Mother, I wish I could dissapear.

I wish I could see your smiling face again, moving your attention all over to me.

Mother, I wish I could disappear.

When we humans live, mother... we suffer so much. Living for us is an eternal ache in our heart, always there haunting us, and it will never allow us to be happy and smile like you do mother, you smile so beautifully.

Mother, I wish I could disappear.

You would search for me, and I would go from behind you and hug you and feel that sweet scent that you carry along with your soul, that smell that sings to me only one word. Home.

Mother, I wish I could dissapear.

Because you're not here with me right now, I feel alone and I know you suffer. I want to help you Mother, and be a good little girl, and help you never cry for Daddy ever again. Because your tears are my tears. Take me with you, you know I can't be placed among the ones who feel joy. You know I can't love anyone else, because there's not just enough of that feeling in my heart anymore. The long nights of lonely desire for company left me completely dry. I only want to be hugged by you, and be blessed by your blinding light, but I'm afraid I've already been consumed by darkness...I'm confused Mother, but I don't want to cry. I can't cry, and it scares me. I wish I could dissapear, so I wouldn't have to be a burden for you Mommy...

Tearing up with Tank Girl

Today has done it.
Today was one of those days when you just sorely, utterly regret you were even born. Hell, you can't even uncover the veil behind your monstrous birth and it just seems like that day told the world it's end. It's like your just saw the world in it's blue, sad, sorrow filled, cruel, trashy look.

As I walked down the corridor, with its shadowy eerie lights, something inside of me began to tighten, and affirm its strong hold on my life string.

My chest was crushed down, and I was suddenly out of breath, but I crawled my way till I reached the window, and saw of vision of the world outside, as my life was slowly slipping away. And I must say what an AWEFUL and DREADFUL feeling this is, this helplessness, this choking feeling, that tells you " You don't have anything else to live for and it shall be this way and no other".

I took a look to the environment outside, and gazed longly into the grey dark sky.

And I began to ponder, what the world would be like if I wasn't here. I reached a quite brilliant conclusion if I do say so myself, and do you even want to know, do you even care about what I think the world would be like?

It would be the same as EVER, the same thing it has always been. A hell hole for the weak, an eternal party for the strong. The rainbow would shine as bright as ever, in it's tones of black and white, the children would play merrily their mindless silly little games. My old bones won't change this generation, my soul is too ancient and tired for others to understand. I wish I could detach myself from this here, from people, so I can't feel hurt by their rejection of my presence. I feel shaken, I feel mad, I feel like the moment I take a foot to the ground I'll fall and dissapear.

My eyes sting from all these tears I let go while I grab myself to life, but I wish I had the courage to just let it all go, from once and for all....

I want to slip into another reality, or maybe even none at all, as long as this all feels like a dream..

The girl with the crew shirt lost her crew shirt, so she can no longer be the girl with the crew shirt, or in other words, she's meaningless now.


Need to find a new fake identity.

Sou como Miguel Angelo

Tu és como Leonardo Da Vinci e eu como Miguel Angelo.

Podes ser "dono da razão" e eu posso ser obcecado com coisas que não estão lá, mas pelo menos enquanto tu planeias cuidadosamente castelos nas nuvens, eu aceno-te do meu palácio.

Irónico, não é?

Thing is you can't keep what is most dangerous to my existence.


Myself.**

Strange things are happening.

Um sorriso.

Descia as escadas apressada e cansadamente, temendo o ciclo que se aproximava, e enfrentei a luz solar do perigoso dia que se defrontava a minha frente, quando o cheiro preencheu-me, e parei. Aquele dia no qual não queria pensar, tornou-se um pouco suportável. Cheirava a roupa lavada. Aquele perfume que adoro, que chama-me e suspira a palavra "lar" por todo o lado. Aquele aroma que faz todos os sitios parecerem acolhedores, que une entre olhares e sorrisos. Olhei para o céu, inspirei, abanei os ombros e a minha cabeça ficou leve apenas por uns segundos.



Agora, enquanto escrevo isto, assino o post com um sorriso.